I often feel like King David did when he penned the words in Psalm 13..."How long wilt thou forget me, O Lord? forever? how long wilt thou hide thy face from me? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Look on me and answer, O Lord my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death." Wow...a desperate cry born out of disappointment, frustration and agony. It sounds like King David was at rock bottom...at the end of his rope. And do I ever know that feeling! I can identify with King David on this one.
One of my dearest friends asked me the question, "How much patience do you have for the silence of God?" I must admit that I had to stop a minute and consider that. For those who know me well, I don't have much patience at all. I am somewhat of a control freak in that I have to know a plan; if one isn't laid out for me, I'll create one! It's both a blessing and a curse. Immediately the passage of Isaiah 40:31 came to mind..."but they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary; and they shall walk and not faint." Do I have the patience to wait upon Him? Do I have the patience to keep running the race of life and sometimes not know the direction I'm going? Can I continue to put one foot in front of the other when I don't even know if I'm on solid ground? Do I have the patience to just listen to the silence?
God's silence cannot be taken as an indication that He doesn't want to answer my prayer or supply my need/want. It doesn't mean He doesn't feel my hurt. The Bible clearly tells me that I have a "high priest who is touched with the feelings of my infirmities..." (Heb 4:15) What seems to be His "inactivity" doesn't mean He has forgotten me. I have to continually remind myself that His silence simply means He is working behind the scenes on my behalf. I may want the answer now...I want the flashes of lightening and thunder from Heaven now so I KNOW what I'm supposed to do. The reality is that it doesn't always work that way. I need to learn to rest in what I know and not what I feel, because so many times I feel like He isn't listening to me, but I know that He hears me and wants the best for me. His silence means He is preparing the best.
One of the things I find most interesting about King David is that He had a life that seems so parallel to mine. He had joys, sorrows, grief, disappointment, betrayal, bitterness, anger, laughter, music, peace, contentment...see a pattern here? He had the good, the bad and the ugly of life. He questioned God; he even got angry at God at times; he had many moments when he didn't understand the plan of God...just like me. But he learned to praise God in spite of his issues. The final chapter of the book of Psalm sums up what King David learned...he learned to praise his way through to the end of his trials. The final chapter acknowledges the "excellent greatness" of a mighty God. We are admonished to praise Him..."let everything that hath breath praise ye the Lord...praise ye the Lord!"
**Dear God, I thank you that even when I don't hear you, see you or feel you
you are working all things for my good.
You know me better than I know myself.
You know my story - you are the author of my life.
Help me to trust that your silence means you are behind the scenes
preparing the good things that you have in store for me.
Wash over me with your joy, your comfort, your peace.
Allow my heart to be filled with your praise.
In Jesus' Name....Amen**
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