My Calling

As I sat in my office listening to Pandora on my computer, Chris Tomlin came on singing "Made To Worship."  I paused my work for a moment and flipped my screen to the Pandora site.  I brought up the lyrics to this upbeat, energizing song.  It was at that moment, that I think I fully realized my calling.  Oh sure...I know my calling, But let me tell you, my friend, there is a very big difference between knowing something and realizing it.  I know that with which God has gifted me, I know my talents and my abilities.  But those things only lead to my true calling...my destiny. What I realized as I sat there listening and reading the lyrics is that when I was called to do is so simple, that if I just do those few things, the "calling" will be beyond my wildest imagination!  All I have to do is worship, love, live in forgiveness and freedom, surrender and believe...are you serious??

I was made to worship, I am called to love, I am forgiven and free, I embrace surrender, I choose to believe.  In the midst of all of that, I see who I was meant to be; I see my calling; I find my destiny. The hard part of all of that is I get so bogged down in the day-to-day stresses, activities and burdens that it's so easy to forget my calling and my destiny.  It's so easy for me to feel insignificant, lost, lonely, burdened, grieved in my spirit and worried. It isn't easy to worship when life weighs you down; it isn't easy to love those who have hurt you, rejected you, betrayed you; it isn't easy to forgive the trespasses of others and live in true freedom; it isn't easy to surrender - our flesh sometimes fights that; and it isn't always easy to believe when the situation looks unbelievable, beyond repair and our faith is weak.

When I started this blog, I felt God calling me to share with others what He shows me on a daily basis. I believe He has given me an outlet to share my story with others to encourage them to stay the course.  I've gotten so many kudos, thoughts, encouragement, testimonies...and I am abundantly blessed to have that and so thankful - but the reality is that when what I write helps others, it helps me even more.  THAT is my calling...to be a witness and a light to others, to share the story of God's grace and mercy, to worship Him in spirit and in truth, to love others, to believe in the cause of His kingdom. 

I had to take a few minutes and blog my thoughts on this one! Work can just wait for a few minutes...when you get a true revelation what your calling is, what you are destined for, you will have to just stop and give it your full attention - precisely what I have done today.  I am so thankful for those moments I have with Him when my spirit and my mind can just be still and listen...makes a world of difference!

**Father, thank you for the ability to hear your voice, 

and the willingness to listen and heed.  

Even in the simplest of ways sometimes, you show

your wisdom, your grace and your mercy.  

You show your love for your people...I'm so thankful

that you choose to speak to us.

I pray that whoever reads this blog will be open to realize

the calling and destiny you have placed on their lives.

Help them to understand YOUR purpose for them.  

Help me to stay focused on the calling and purpose

that you, and only you, have designed for my life.

Help me to encourage others to do the same;

Help me to be a light in someone's dark world.

In Jesus' Name - Amen**

Who I am

"Take this time to get to know who Jacki really is." If I had a dime for every time I have heard this statement over the past two and a half years, I would be able to sponsor a trip to the Caribbean for myself and my closest friends!  I have gone so far as to say that "if one more person says that to me, I'm going to scream!!"

When some things in my life drastically changed in July of 2009, I believe that I did (at that point) need to take some time to figure out who I really was.  I knew the basics of who I was...but who was I really inside? What had the last 20 years of my life really yielded? Where was I headed? What did I want out of life? Where did I want to be in 5 years, 10 years, 15 years? The real nitty-gritty details.  So...at first, I was okay with people making that statement to me.  But...here's the reality...two and a half years later and MANY changes later, I know exactly who I am.  I may not have some of the other answers...like where will I be in 5 years, 10 years, 15 years, but I know how I'll get there and who I'll be when I arrive.

First of all, let me say...if you are the judgmental type, you may not want to read any further.  I have one Judge...who is the ultimate Judge...it is Him that I strive to please on a daily basis.  What I do, say or how I look may not be in line with what others want from me, but my Creator sees, knows and understands my heart.  That's where my hope in this life is secured. Above all, I am a daughter of the most high God.  I am His creation; I am His handiwork...He knew me before I was even formed in my mother's womb...I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14).  It is in Him that I live, I move, and I have my very being (Acts 17:28). When I remember those things, I am confident that He has His hand on my life...even in the darkest of times. I am a mother, a Nana, a sister, an aunt, a cousin, a friend.  I have my own "place" in each of those relationships.  Who am I?  I am a lover of people...especially those people that God has placed in my life.

As a mother, I am forever connected to two of the greatest gifts God could ever have given to me.  Although my children are young adults, and one is a parent even, I still am responsible to help guide them, to mentor them, to stand by them, to encourage them.  My life has to be an example to them. I have raised them...and although it is hard for me to let them fly on their own, the reality is that I now have to give them room to do just that.  I always try to tell myself I can save them from their own hurts, grief, pain and life events - I really can't.  I just have to trust that I've given them all the right resources and tools to cope with whatever comes their way and make the best decisions. 

As a Nana...I stand in awe of this incredible bundle of joy that God has entrusted into this family.  I have made a vow to God that I will take him to church every single chance I get, that I will teach him the ways of the Lord, that I will stand beside his parents and mentor them in his upbringing, that I will protect him at all costs, that I will share with him this wonderful legacy that his great-grandparents and family before him have left.  God amazes me in His infinite wisdom...He knew that I would need this little guy to help bring peace, joy and order to my life.  God makes absolutely NO mistakes or accidents...Kyndrick James Switzer is His creation and has a divine purpose on this earth.

As a sister, an aunt, a cousin and a friend, I am loyal to the end. I love with a fierceness.  I don't deal well with others hurting those I love. I believe in fairness, honesty and justice.  But...I am also human.  There are times when I'd really like a little bit of the vengeance that God says is His, and help him out with it.  Yes...I know I can't...but it sure doesn't stop me from wanting to!  I am passionate about the things and the people I love.  I am a romantic...I want to love with 100% and be loved with 100%.  At the end of it all, I am a realist.  

So...in response to those who continuously tell me to get to know who I am...I know exactly who I am.  What I don't know are the paths that life's journey will take me...God is still writing my story.  With Him as the Author, it will have an incredible ending!  He is with me...walking beside me...strengthening me...making a way of escape for me...lining up people and situations to bring me out of this tough place into a place of strength and victory (Joel Osteen). 

Still think I need to find out who I am??  Take it up with my Creator...ask Him to keep working on me because I am, as we all are, a work in progress!

**Father, thank you for allowing me the opportunity to above all know YOU.

You are my Creator and my Friend...you know me better than I

even know myself...better than anyone else will ever know me.

Allow me to stay true to the person you have destined me to be,

help me to walk out your will for my life.  Continue to place

the people in my life that you have designed for me to have. 

You are my rock, my strength, my safe harbor...

I realize who I am in you....thank you for that knowledge.

Amen...**

Friday Night Pity Party

As I sat in my family room on a Friday night, all alone, I was overwhelmed with a sense of loneliness. I have an incredible family...I have a beautiful daughter who lives in my home...I have an incredible son who's just a phone call away...I have the sweetest grandbaby in the world...I have more friends than I know what to do with sometimes. Yet...here I sat all alone, tears streaming down my face as I felt sorry for myself in my "situation." I felt isolated - completely cut off from people that I love, activities, events...all alone in my own little world of discouragement.

I began the pity party of a lifetime. As I allowed my thoughts to run rampant with all of the reasons why I should feel sorry for myself, I thought about the fact that almost all of my friends are married, with families and lives of their own - just like I was for 25 years. My single friends had plans - everyone had somewhere to be and someone to be with but me. Talk about a sense of doom!! In my mind, I went through all of the places I could have gone, the people I could have been with, the things I could be doing...but yet there I sat. All alone, feeling sorry for myself, wishing things were different, wondering "why me?"

In the midst of the chaotic noise of my mind, I heard a still, small voice...ever so gently...remind me that with Him, I am never alone. Even in what seems to be my darkest hour, He is right there with me. He will never leave me, He will not forsake me. My carnal nature then began to question those things that I had read in the Bible and heard all my life. If this were really true, then why in the world did I feel so alone at this point. Why did I feel like everyone had a life but me? Why did I feel like I had nobody in this world at this very moment? Why was this sense of loneliness overshadowing all the good things I knew to be true?

I suddenly realized something that sat me back for a bit...I couldn't feel His presence because I was allowing this loneliness to consume me.  Instead of just sitting still for a moment, breathing deep and allowing myself to let His love wrap around me, I was so busy trying to reason out why I was thinking and feeling the way I was. I was so wrapped up in this pity party, that there was no room for HIM to wrap His arms around me and let His love wash over me.  I needed to get ahold of myself and shake loose these negative feelings and emotions. 

I'm sure there will be more lonely times in my future...we all have them.  What I hope to have learned from this particular night, though, is that before I get myself all worked up in the pity that I can just take a moment to sit back, breathe deep, and allow His presence to wash over me.  Learning that simple, little lesson would prevent so much stress and distress...so then why is it so hard for us to learn?

**Thank you Jesus for being my provider, my friend...

you truly are everything that I need.  

When I feel all alone, and I feel like nobody else

in this world is available to me, you are ALWAYS there.

There is a comfort in knowing that I will always

have you to depend on.  So many times, I want things

that are tangible...things I can see, smell, hear, touch.

But the reality is that those things are great for the moment,

but they fade away with time.  People die, people leave us,

our friends go their ways, but you have promised that

you will never leave me nor forsake me; you will be a constant friend

that sticketh closer than a brother, sister, mother or father. 

I can rest assured in the fact that you love me and will 

be there for me regardless of how deep or how far I go. 

I'm never out of your reach.  For these things, I am truly

grateful from the bottom of my heart...Amen**

Secure or Complacent

I was privileged the other day to read a eulogy that my close friend did for his father. His father had actually passed away a few years earlier, but over the course of the last few weeks, he had spent a lot of time sharing with me some of his fondest memories about him and said he would like for me to read the eulogy that he had written.  I must say...it moved me deeply. 

First of all, I was moved by the sheer power of the words and the deep emotion that had been poured in to writing this incredible piece of art.  Secondly, I realized just how grateful I really was to have this man as a part of my life...someone who could so incredibly pour his emotions and grief in to something so special. After reading the eulogy, I also realized something that I had been hearing for many weeks.  This man was a clone of his father...who, by all descriptions, was truly a great man.

As I was reading the eulogy, however, there was a  very simple, short sentence that struck me.  "He was a secure man, but he was not complacent."  Wow! So many times, I think we mistakenly cross those two words and mix the meanings up.  So...as is my style, I decided to do a little word search, and here is what I found.

Secure, in the English language, and according to Webster's Dictionary, means "easy in mind, confident."  My friend, and from all accounts, his father, fit this description so well.  When we become secure, we can be confident, which simply is nothing more than assurance and self-reliance.  That, in no way, indicates that we do not need others...in fact, it's quite the opposite.  When we are secure, we're more than willing to accept the fact that others really can help us become even better.  When we are secure, we realize that the "code" that we live by is unshakeable; it's unmovable; it's NOT an option.  When others around us seem to be shaken by events that turn them upside down, we stay steadfast.  That isn't to say that we don't get shaken as well, but the reaction is so different.

On the other hand, the word complacent indicates that one is self-satisfied; they are okay with "status quo"; they are content with staying the same and never changing; one who is complacent tends to not reach out and find new people, new ways, new concepts.  Complacency often screams: "I've done it this way for years, and I'm not changing!"  People who are complacent have a hard time letting others in to their lives - their world - their environment.

As I began to put more thought to this comparison, I quickly realized exactly which one of those two characteristics I wanted to possess.  I realized that it is often easier to become complacent...we don't want things messed up in "our little world."  But with complacency also comes a stagnancy that I do not want in my life.  Stagnant minds don't expand; they don't learn new thoughts or concepts; they are not open to new people and ideas.  In other words, complacency is no place for me!

I like the feeling that being "secure" gives me.  I am secure in who I am; I am secure in my relationships; I am secure in my relationship with God; I am secure in my job; I am secure in my family.  If I were to tell you that I really am already there in all of those areas, it would not be honest of me.  What I have come away from this thought with is this:  I will live daily to strive toward those areas.  I will think myself secure!  I refuse to allow the spirit of complacency to mandate my life or my future!

**Dear God...thank you for the people you have placed in my life

to help me learn the things you desire for me to know.

Thank you for allowing my heart, my mind, my ears and my soul 

to be open to the things around me.

Daily help me to live secure in who I am, in my relationships

with those very people you have placed in my life and new ones to come, 

in who I am in you and in my walk with you; in my job and career and in my family.

Help me to live an honest and upright life before you...help me to be a light

to others who may be struggling with their sense of security or with complacency.
You alone can help us with these things...In Jesus' Name I pray...Amen**

Mistakes, Failures and Consequences

As I was listening to the local news on my way to work this morning, I was gripped with sadness at the stories I was hearing.  A hostage situation yesterday ending with a father dead and his son in jail; a fire on the east side of town rendering a family completely homeless and having lost everything; a couple in jail for producing meth...seemingly indicative of our society today.  I was thinking..."This is Terre Haute! Things like this are not supposed to happen in my community!"

As I felt a sense of overwhelming sadness at hearing these things, I couldn't help but think about the individuals involved in these catastrophes. We could sit and analyze all day what went wrong, how it went wrong, who was wrong...all those things, but the reality of it is that every single mistake we make has a consequence.  The son made the decision, for whatever reason, to go into his father's home, set it on fire, hold him hostage and then proceed to conduct a stand off with law enforcement.  The consequence is great...this young man will likely spend many years, if not a life time, in prison, and a family has lost a father, a son, an uncle, and a friend.  There was still life to live for both of them; however, with one wrong decision - a mistake - a failure, consequences are inevitable.  For the couple who were producing a harmful, illegal drug in their utility shed...they made the decision to obtain the ingredients to make this drug with the intent to use or sell.  Once again, one wrong decision - a mistake - a failure, will end with consequences for both individuals.  Children, parents, family, friends will all be impacted by each of these circumstances.  That impact will last a lifetime!

As I processed my thoughts through these events, I began to reflect on my own life.  I have made my fair share of mistakes; I have had my own large dose of failures; and I have paid, and still pay, the consequences for many of them. Some of my decisions carry consequences that not only impact me, but have impacted others, and will do so for many years to come.  As you continue to read my blog, you will see posts from time to time that reveal many of those mistakes and failures.  But...there is good news in spite of what may seem negative...

Yes...for every battle, there will be a scar; for every war, there will be casualties; for every pain, there will be a memory...BUT...For every wrong, there is a right; for every mistake, there is a fix; for every failure, there is a triumph; for every frown, there is a smile...and the best news of all is that FOR EVERY NIGHT, THERE IS A MORNING!

Even though the individuals I have mentioned in this post may seem doomed - they will feel doomed for sure, there can be good come out of their stories.  I have my moments when I feel doomed...but I refuse to allow myself to stay in that place for very long.  Because I know that for everything that I have gone through, whether self inflicted or just life circumstances, God can turn it all around and use if for His glory, which is my intent.  

Are you struggling with past mistakes or failures?  Do you feel like the consequences you are facing are overwhelming? If this is you, let me take this moment to encourage you.  Life can be so cruel sometimes, but we have a hope.  That hope is in the Father's love...in His arms, we are protected.  Does that mean we won't have troubles?  No...the reality is that we are human, He created each of us with a mind of our own to make decisions, and He knew full well we would mess it up most of the time.  And because He knew that, He gave His only Son to die for those sins He knew we would commit.  He gave us a Comforter to help ease the pain of the consequences we would face.

Regardless of what path life has led you down...whether you have made the choices all on your own, or out of a reaction to the choice of another, the Father is waiting for you.  As destructive as the behavior of the individuals at the beginning of this post may seem, He still loves them just as much as He does the rest of us.  In Acts 10:34, Peter proclaimed that "God is no respecter of persons."  What this tells me is that He doesn't really keep score of our past, our wrongs, our mistakes and failures.  He sees each of us daily through eyes of love and compassion.  He puts our sins into the sea of forget never to be remembered again.  There is nothing better than that, my friend!

**Thank you, Father, for the promises that you have given us in your word.

The promises that you'll never leave us, nor forsake us; that your mercies

are new every morning; that you cast our sins into the sea of forget; that you are

no respecter of persons and we are all the same at the foot of your cross.
I ask that you help each and every one of us today that struggle with 
mistakes or failures - each one that is feeling the sting of consequences
from their own past or the actions of others.  Let us all feel your
presence and your loving arms wrapped tightly around us.
Give us the strength to face each day with renewed commitment
to do your will and follow after you. Help us to use our mistakes and failures
as tools from which to learn.  In Your Name I pray...Amen!**