I began the pity party of a lifetime. As I allowed my thoughts to run rampant with all of the reasons why I should feel sorry for myself, I thought about the fact that almost all of my friends are married, with families and lives of their own - just like I was for 25 years. My single friends had plans - everyone had somewhere to be and someone to be with but me. Talk about a sense of doom!! In my mind, I went through all of the places I could have gone, the people I could have been with, the things I could be doing...but yet there I sat. All alone, feeling sorry for myself, wishing things were different, wondering "why me?"
In the midst of the chaotic noise of my mind, I heard a still, small voice...ever so gently...remind me that with Him, I am never alone. Even in what seems to be my darkest hour, He is right there with me. He will never leave me, He will not forsake me. My carnal nature then began to question those things that I had read in the Bible and heard all my life. If this were really true, then why in the world did I feel so alone at this point. Why did I feel like everyone had a life but me? Why did I feel like I had nobody in this world at this very moment? Why was this sense of loneliness overshadowing all the good things I knew to be true?
I suddenly realized something that sat me back for a bit...I couldn't feel His presence because I was allowing this loneliness to consume me. Instead of just sitting still for a moment, breathing deep and allowing myself to let His love wrap around me, I was so busy trying to reason out why I was thinking and feeling the way I was. I was so wrapped up in this pity party, that there was no room for HIM to wrap His arms around me and let His love wash over me. I needed to get ahold of myself and shake loose these negative feelings and emotions.
I'm sure there will be more lonely times in my future...we all have them. What I hope to have learned from this particular night, though, is that before I get myself all worked up in the pity that I can just take a moment to sit back, breathe deep, and allow His presence to wash over me. Learning that simple, little lesson would prevent so much stress and distress...so then why is it so hard for us to learn?
**Thank you Jesus for being my provider, my friend...
you truly are everything that I need.
When I feel all alone, and I feel like nobody else
in this world is available to me, you are ALWAYS there.
There is a comfort in knowing that I will always
have you to depend on. So many times, I want things
that are tangible...things I can see, smell, hear, touch.
But the reality is that those things are great for the moment,
but they fade away with time. People die, people leave us,
our friends go their ways, but you have promised that
you will never leave me nor forsake me; you will be a constant friend
that sticketh closer than a brother, sister, mother or father.
I can rest assured in the fact that you love me and will
be there for me regardless of how deep or how far I go.
I'm never out of your reach. For these things, I am truly
grateful from the bottom of my heart...Amen**
No comments:
Post a Comment