When some things in my life drastically changed in July of 2009, I believe that I did (at that point) need to take some time to figure out who I really was. I knew the basics of who I was...but who was I really inside? What had the last 20 years of my life really yielded? Where was I headed? What did I want out of life? Where did I want to be in 5 years, 10 years, 15 years? The real nitty-gritty details. So...at first, I was okay with people making that statement to me. But...here's the reality...two and a half years later and MANY changes later, I know exactly who I am. I may not have some of the other answers...like where will I be in 5 years, 10 years, 15 years, but I know how I'll get there and who I'll be when I arrive.
First of all, let me say...if you are the judgmental type, you may not want to read any further. I have one Judge...who is the ultimate Judge...it is Him that I strive to please on a daily basis. What I do, say or how I look may not be in line with what others want from me, but my Creator sees, knows and understands my heart. That's where my hope in this life is secured. Above all, I am a daughter of the most high God. I am His creation; I am His handiwork...He knew me before I was even formed in my mother's womb...I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). It is in Him that I live, I move, and I have my very being (Acts 17:28). When I remember those things, I am confident that He has His hand on my life...even in the darkest of times. I am a mother, a Nana, a sister, an aunt, a cousin, a friend. I have my own "place" in each of those relationships. Who am I? I am a lover of people...especially those people that God has placed in my life.
As a mother, I am forever connected to two of the greatest gifts God could ever have given to me. Although my children are young adults, and one is a parent even, I still am responsible to help guide them, to mentor them, to stand by them, to encourage them. My life has to be an example to them. I have raised them...and although it is hard for me to let them fly on their own, the reality is that I now have to give them room to do just that. I always try to tell myself I can save them from their own hurts, grief, pain and life events - I really can't. I just have to trust that I've given them all the right resources and tools to cope with whatever comes their way and make the best decisions.
As a Nana...I stand in awe of this incredible bundle of joy that God has entrusted into this family. I have made a vow to God that I will take him to church every single chance I get, that I will teach him the ways of the Lord, that I will stand beside his parents and mentor them in his upbringing, that I will protect him at all costs, that I will share with him this wonderful legacy that his great-grandparents and family before him have left. God amazes me in His infinite wisdom...He knew that I would need this little guy to help bring peace, joy and order to my life. God makes absolutely NO mistakes or accidents...Kyndrick James Switzer is His creation and has a divine purpose on this earth.
As a sister, an aunt, a cousin and a friend, I am loyal to the end. I love with a fierceness. I don't deal well with others hurting those I love. I believe in fairness, honesty and justice. But...I am also human. There are times when I'd really like a little bit of the vengeance that God says is His, and help him out with it. Yes...I know I can't...but it sure doesn't stop me from wanting to! I am passionate about the things and the people I love. I am a romantic...I want to love with 100% and be loved with 100%. At the end of it all, I am a realist.
So...in response to those who continuously tell me to get to know who I am...I know exactly who I am. What I don't know are the paths that life's journey will take me...God is still writing my story. With Him as the Author, it will have an incredible ending! He is with me...walking beside me...strengthening me...making a way of escape for me...lining up people and situations to bring me out of this tough place into a place of strength and victory (Joel Osteen).
Still think I need to find out who I am?? Take it up with my Creator...ask Him to keep working on me because I am, as we all are, a work in progress!
**Father, thank you for allowing me the opportunity to above all know YOU.
You are my Creator and my Friend...you know me better than I
even know myself...better than anyone else will ever know me.
Allow me to stay true to the person you have destined me to be,
help me to walk out your will for my life. Continue to place
the people in my life that you have designed for me to have.
You are my rock, my strength, my safe harbor...
I realize who I am in you....thank you for that knowledge.
Amen...**
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